Kids Corner: Co-Parenting and Family Communication: Navigating Two Households
Kids often have to split their time between two homes when parents divorce. This can be a big adjustment, especially if parents have different rules, routines, or communication styles. Co-parenting is when parents work together to raise their children, even though they are no longer together. While it’s not always easy, good co-parenting helps kids feel more stable, loved, and supported in both homes.
What Is Healthy Co-Parenting?
Healthy co-parenting means that parents:
✔ Keep the focus on the kids, not their past relationship.
✔ Communicate without arguing in front of their children.
✔ Stick to consistent rules and routines in both homes.
✔ Support their child’s relationship with the other parent.
✔ Keep kids out of the middle of adult conflicts.
When parents work together, kids feel less stress, more security, and stronger family bonds.
Handling Different Parenting Styles
Sometimes, parents have very different rules or expectations in each home. One parent might be more strict, while the other is more laid back. This can be confusing for kids.
If things feel inconsistent:
🔹 Talk to each parent about expectations – Asking, “What are the rules at Mom’s/Dad’s house?” can help clarify what’s expected.
🔹 Follow house rules, even if they’re different – It’s okay if one house has a later bedtime or different meal choices. Adjusting to each home’s rules can help avoid stress.
🔹 Focus on what you can control – Some things won’t be the same, and that’s okay. The most important thing is feeling safe and loved in both places.
Communicating About Schedules & Routines
Many kids of divorced parents have a custody schedule that tells them when they will be at each parent’s house. Understanding the schedule can help kids feel prepared and reduce stress.
Ways to Keep Track of the Schedule:
A calendar in both homes (paper or digital).
A family scheduling app (like Google Calendar or co-parenting apps).
Asking parents in advance about important dates or changes.
If the schedule is confusing, kids can say:
- “Can we go over the schedule together so I understand where I’ll be?”
- “If something changes, can you let me know as soon as possible?”
What If Parents Don’t Get Along?
Not all divorced parents communicate well, and sometimes there is tension or arguing between them. If parents fight a lot, kids can:
Avoid taking sides – Divorce is between parents, not kids.
Ask not to be the messenger – Saying, “Can you tell Mom/Dad directly? I don’t want to be in the middle.”
Find a trusted adult to talk to – A grandparent, teacher, or school counselor can help if conflicts feel overwhelming.
If a parent speaks negatively about the other, it’s okay to say:
- “I love both of you, and I don’t want to hear bad things about either parent.”
- “It makes me uncomfortable when you talk about them like that.”
Final Thought
Co-parenting isn’t always perfect, but good communication and respect between parents make life easier for kids. Even if parents don’t always agree, kids can still feel safe, supported, and loved in both homes. With time, new routines feel normal, and two homes can still feel like one family.