Distinguishing between Overt and Covert Narcissism
The primary difference between an overt and a covert narcissist lies in how they express their narcissistic traits and how these traits manifest in their behavior. Both types share core features of narcissism, such as a need for admiration, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of empathy, but the way these characteristics are displayed varies significantly.
Here’s a breakdown of the key differences between overt and covert narcissists:
1. Self-Expression and Presentation
Overt Narcissist (Grandiose):
- Outwardly self-confident and often boastful about their abilities, appearance, or achievements.
- They have a loud, attention-seeking presence and enjoy being the center of attention.
- Can be overtly arrogant and domineering, often expressing superiority over others.
- May exhibit charming behavior when seeking admiration but can be harsh or condescending when not receiving the desired attention.
Covert Narcissist (Vulnerable):
- Introverted, shy, or withdrawn, often appearing humble, modest, or even self-effacing.
- Their narcissism is hidden beneath a veil of vulnerability, and they often portray themselves as misunderstood or underappreciated.
- They may not outwardly seek attention, but they crave validation and emotional support, often in subtle ways.
- While overt narcissists project confidence, covert narcissists often struggle with self-esteem and may feel fragile or insecure.
2. Need for Admiration and Validation
Overt Narcissist:
- Seeks constant admiration, praise, and recognition from others. They want to be seen as the best, the most important, or the most unique.
- Typically, they’ll make sure others know their achievements, and they’ll often boast or exaggerate their accomplishments to receive affirmation.
- External validation is central to their identity, and they may be willing to go to great lengths to ensure others admire them.
Covert Narcissist:
- Craves admiration as much as an overt narcissist but may not show it in an obvious or overt way. Instead, they might expect admiration in a more passive manner, often without directly seeking it.
- They may feel resentful if they don’t receive enough validation but may not openly express it. Instead, they may withdraw emotionally or engage in passive-aggressive behavior.
- Their need for validation is more internalized—they may feel inferior or unappreciated even when no one is overtly critical.
3. Self-Image and Grandiosity
Overt Narcissist:
- Grandiose self-image that they actively flaunt. They see themselves as superior to others and often hold unrealistic views of their abilities or importance.
- They may lack self-awareness or ignore any flaws because they believe they are special or exceptional in every way.
- Their sense of self-worth is rooted in how they’re perceived by others, and they often believe they deserve special treatment and admiration.
Covert Narcissist:
- Holds a grandiose self-image internally, but it’s often more fragile or hidden beneath a mask of insecurity.
- They might view themselves as special or unique, but this belief is more internalized, often leading to feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, or shame.
- They often feel unappreciated and may think that others fail to recognize their true worth, even though they won’t always express this directly.
4. Emotional Expression and Vulnerability
Overt Narcissist:
- Tends to be more blatantly expressive in their emotions, especially in moments of frustration or anger. They may become openly defensive or aggressive when criticized or when they don’t receive the attention they feel they deserve.
- Confidence is front-and-center, and they may avoid showing vulnerability unless it serves their purpose (e.g., to elicit sympathy or support).
Covert Narcissist:
- More likely to display vulnerabilities such as self-pity, melancholy, or victimhood, often as a way of eliciting sympathy or attention from others.
- They might hide their grandiosity behind a façade of humility, but their deep-seated belief in their specialness often causes them to feel resentful, overlooked, or misunderstood.
- They are often emotionally withdrawn or sensitive, especially when faced with criticism, and may withdraw or sulk rather than confront issues head-on.
5. Behavior Toward Others
Overt Narcissist:
- Typically dominates social settings and often displays contempt or disdain for people they consider “inferior.” They are more likely to openly manipulate or control others to serve their needs.
- Exploitative relationships are common, as they treat people as tools to meet their needs, and they may disregard others’ feelings in pursuit of their own desires.
Covert Narcissist:
- Their behavior toward others is more subtle and less overtly controlling. However, they may still manipulate people emotionally, often using guilt or indirect tactics.
- They may avoid direct confrontation, instead using passive-aggressive behavior or emotional manipulation (e.g., playing the victim or eliciting sympathy).
- They can be overly sensitive to how they perceive others view them, and may harbor resentment toward others who they feel are more successful or who receive more attention.
6. Response to Criticism
Overt Narcissist:
- Reacts to criticism with defensiveness, rage, or denial, often trying to blame others or diminish the critic’s credibility.
- They may lash out or engage in verbal aggression or public displays of anger when their inflated self-image is challenged.
- They can’t tolerate being corrected or viewed negatively and may retaliate in ways that keep them at the center of attention.
Covert Narcissist:
- Criticism deeply wounds them, but they may respond with withdrawal or passive-aggressive behavior. Rather than confronting the issue head-on, they may sulk or become emotionally distant.
- They may internalize criticism and feel intense shame, but they rarely express this openly. They often perceive themselves as victims of unfair treatment.
- They might make subtle remarks to make others feel guilty, or they may act hurt or emotionally withdrawn.
7. Social Interactions and Relationships
Overt Narcissist:
- Enjoys being the center of attention in social situations and often has a large social circle where they can easily seek admiration.
- Relationships tend to be transactional—people are valued based on their ability to boost the narcissist’s ego.
- Can be exploitive and manipulative in relationships, seeing others as tools for self-enhancement.
Covert Narcissist:
- May appear more introverted, and their social interactions can seem more passive or reserved, but they still seek admiration in subtle ways.
- They tend to feel isolated or misunderstood, which can lead to feelings of bitterness or resentment in relationships.
- Relationships can be emotionally draining, as covert narcissists tend to demand attention without giving much in return and may withdraw when they don’t get the attention they crave.
8. Emotional Stability and Mood
Overt Narcissist:
- Often emotionally volatile, with sudden mood swings depending on how their ego is being fed or threatened. They can be charming when things are going their way but become angry or vindictive if they feel slighted or rejected.
- Their sense of self-worth fluctuates dramatically based on external validation.
Covert Narcissist:
- Experiences more internalized emotional instability, often feeling anxious, depressed, or chronically dissatisfied.
- They might struggle with feelings of inadequacy or inferiority, especially when they perceive that others are receiving more attention, validation, or success.
- Their mood can fluctuate based on internal feelings of neglect or underappreciation, rather than external sources of validation.
While both overt and covert narcissists share the core traits of narcissism—such as a need for admiration, entitlement, and lack of empathy—their behaviors and emotional expressions differ significantly. Overt narcissists can be easier to spot because they are more outwardly grandiose, attention-seeking, and assertive, while covert narcissists tend to be more introverted, self-effacing, and emotionally vulnerable, though still driven by the need for validation and a deep sense of self-importance. The covert narcissist’s narcissism often manifests in more subtle ways, including passive-aggressive behavior, feelings of victimhood, and emotional manipulation. Both types can be difficult to engage with, but recognizing these differences can help in understanding their behavior and managing relationships with them.
